What Are The Ghosts of Past Relationships?

There are many reasons that men leave relationships,
or don’t get into them fully in the first place. Some men are haunted
by the ghosts of past loves. They cannot shake them from their minds or
get them out of their hearts. Although they date new women, the specter
of a past love prevents them from giving their hearts, committing to
another, or truly opening up. Each new person is compared, consciously
or unconsciously, to the previous love. This past relationship can take
on an idealized quality so that no one in the present or future will
ever measure up.

For some men, this past love is a young, first
love. In all later relationships they seek the magic they felt then.
For others it is a past wife or fiancé who haunts them. Being deeply
hurt by the breakup or death, they search for someone to replace her,
rather than try to find someone new.

For others the past
relationship that haunts them may go back to their mothers whom they
feel gave them unconditional love. Deep within there is a hunger and
demand for this unconditional love and acceptance again. Now at this
juncture, they secretly feel that no woman can live up to mom.
Unconsciously they compare every woman to her.

Sadly enough, for
some men the ghosts that haunt them are not positive. Some have had
painful experiences and are seeking a woman who is the opposite of the
one they knew, or seeking someone to even the score. In these
situations, painful memories get in the way of being available to the
new person, or to being truly present at all.

There are other men
who find it safer to cling to memories of the past than to risk failure
with someone here now. These men may choose to live off a memory for
years. It is not unusual for these men to unconsciously attract an
unsuitable partner so that the relationship will not threaten the
fantasy woman in his dreams. Deep down he knows he’ll never be able to
stay with this unsuitable partner. She’s no ultimate threat.

Men
also turn to these ghosts of the past when their present relationship
may not be going well. Instead of dealing with the difficulty or
disappointment, they lapse into memory, comparing this partner to the
one they had. Always unfavorably. Or when he feels pressured to commit
before he is ready, the specter of old loves come back to haunt him.
It’s a perfect excuse and also a way out of a tight spot.

On a
more positive note, at times a man cannot let go of a past relationship
because it is simply incomplete. Something needs to be said or done, to
be given or received. There is a gnawing feeling inside that the
relationship is not yet fulfilled. Perhaps forgiveness is needed.
Perhaps a real good bye. It is always best to become aware of what it
is that is causing a ghost to lodge in one’s heart and mind. If
something can be done to complete the relationship, do it now. If one
is simply caught holding onto the past, recognize that and see why it
is so frightening to allow oneself to live again and make a new try.

Whatever
the factor that causes a man to cling to memories of the past, a common
theme appears through all of them, this is a way to safeguard oneself
against hurt and failure in the present. The best way to get past it,
is to understand that dreams can never bring the fulfillment and growth
that a real, flesh and blood love can. It’s worth the risk to try
again. Or else we become a ghost as well.