The Simple Truths About Falling and Living in Love

Summary

• The Simple Truths About Falling and Living in Love
  [Relationships:Love] We are meant to live a life of love. When we're not in love, something's the matter. Unfortunately, most of us have become resigned to sadness, struggle and disappointment in our relationships. This article explores what it is that keeps love from us, and offers simple, effective and powerful steps on how to turn it around.

The Simple Truths About Falling and Living in Love

We are meant to live a life of love. When we're not in love, something's the matter. Unfortunately, most of us, unaware of this, become resigned to disappointment, loss and upset in relationships. No matter how successful we are in other aspects of our lives, many do not feel entitled to the same success in love. This is considered natural as one "grows up" and gives up the fantasies, foolishness and dreams of childhood. But nothing could be further from the truth. It is the fantasies, foolishness, and confused expectations we develop as we grow older that keep the love away.

Being in love is the most mature and realistic thing you can do. It energizes your life, fills you with positivity, creates generosity and makes every moment beautiful. The body heals, the heart is happy. As a great teacher once said, "We never ask the meaning of life when we are in love."

If being in love is our natural state the real question is, what is it that keeps this most precious inheritance away? How can we reclaim it and return to the intrinsic trust and joy we had as children?

Many fear they will be hurt. But contrary to popular opinion, real love never hurts or wounds. It is only our confused expectations that can undermine our lives. There is a Buddhist saying "Give up poisonous food wherever it is offered to you." But most of us do not know what is poison and what is nourishing in our relationships.

Once we know the difference between real and counterfeit love, once we learn the laws of love and how to practice them, we will be able to live a life of love and build relationships that cannot fail. The fact of the matter is that we can begin to do this and turn our lives around at any time.

To begin this process, let us look a little deeper. It always seems as if relationships are difficult-difficult to find, to keep and to enjoy. Yet the fundamental truth is that there is no inherent problem with relationships at all. There is never a scarcity of relationships, there is never a scarcity of love.

Some complain that they can't love because there is something wrong with the person they are with. No one can please or satisfy them. In the beginning they may feel as though they've found the perfect person, but before they know it, conflict develops, irritation grows. The joy of feeling loved and valued, fades away. Most people have no idea why. Ultimately, from the psychological point of view, not falling in love, is not so unusual. In fact, many can do very well, become quite healthy, and yet never get over their disappointments in love.

Spiritually speaking, there's a different point of view. Is a person's very life at stake if they aren't able to truly love? The answer is Yes. Without the ability to know real love, the precious taste of this life is thwarted, and a person may be doomed to living her days as a "Hungry Ghost." But we can change this at any moment. To begin we suspend judgment and disbelief, become willing to become a child once again - explore, play, hug, cry and feel that the world is filled with endless possibilities. We also must develop the ability to say No to all of the people, beliefs, habits and desires which can take our faith and love away.

We need to be willing to allow ourselves to look for and find that which is beautiful and worthwhile in everyone, (including ourselves). And, somehow, let them know.

Falling in love doesn't mean being blind, or entering into fantasy. It means waking up out of darkened dreams to finally see the beauty which surrounds us. A little endurance is required, along with the willingness to face the shadows that will dispel as soon as we invite in the light.

During this holiday season, let's give it a try. It only takes a moment to do so, but the happiness lasts a long, long time.

Discover the surprising truths about love in top selling program Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships) http://www.truthaboutlove.com . Renowned psychologist, Founder of Everyone Wins Mediation, has helped thousands resolve conflicts and find strength and fulfillment. Free ezine and articles http://www.newyorkmediates.com - topspeaker@yahoo.com

How To Develop True Self Worth and Really Win

• Summary

• [Self-Improvement]
  In order to feel good about themselves, most compare themselves to
  others, compete and try to win in all areas of their life. They do not
  realize, however, that this is not true winning and whatever they gain
  in this manner usually backfires. Article describes ways of building
  true of self worth and includes wonderful exercises to show you how to
  create true it in your life.

How To Develop True Self Worth and Really Win

In order to feel good about themselves, most compare themselves to
others, compete and try to win in all areas of their life. They do not
realize, however, that this often can be an expression of aggression
towards others, and ultimately also towards themselves.

When we
want to be better than others, we are also driven to make sure they
remain beneath us. We do what we can to keep them in their place,and
look for their failings and weaknesses. We may also take pleasure in
their hardships and losses. When famous people fall from their pedestal
and suffer, many feel relief that they are not so much better after all.

How We Compare Ourselves To Others

Some
are not able to relate at all to others who they feel are "better than
them.They fill their worlds with those who they feel are inferior, (and
treat them that way, to keep them in their place.) Some are drawn to
those who they think are better than them, and spend a lot of time
trying to tear the person down. Others become members of sports team
and take great relish in beating the others, proving that they are
"best".

Living this way, one becomes unable to see the beauty and
gifts which each person has and which they could otherwise share with
you. This keeps you on edge, looking for ways you can maintain your
superiority. Relationships become power struggles. There is little
fulfillment, or true sense of self worth.

Pride Vs. Self Worth

Pride
creates a grandiose, false sense of self and causes the person to close
themselves off to many situations, possibilities, insights and
relationships. Pride also causes them to be out of touch with true self
worth, who they truly are, what really brings happiness.

A true
sense of self worth, on the other hand, provides enjoyment when dealing
with all kinds of individuals. With true self worth you do not need to
compare yourself to others, tear them apart or feel superior. Instead,
you are able to value who they are and share you both of your gifts. As
Emerson wisely said, a rose in the garden does not compare itself with
another. It just blooms as it is intended to.

Exercise

Step
1: Recognizing The Many Faces Of Pride Make a list of those you feel
better than. Who are they? Why are you better than them? A)Make a list
of those you feel are better than you. Who are they? How does this make
you feel? How do you behave with them? This exercise will surprise you.
Be honest with yourself. You may also be astonished to see how many
people you've written out of your life.

Step 2: Stop Comparing

A)
Pick someone on your list that you feel better than. Write down all
their positive qualities. Now, stop comparing yourself to this person.
Let them be who they are. Let you be who you are, as well. Enjoy the
differences between you. B) Do the same with someone you think is
better than you. Can you allow both of you to have positive qualities
though they may be different? Can you stop comparing in this case as
well?

Step 3: A New Meeting

A)
Contact the person you feel better than and go out with them to lunch.
Make the meeting all about them. Don't talk much. Really find out about
them. Give them a chance to be the star. Do the same with someone who
feels they are better than you. You'll be amazed to discover how much
others crave being heard and known, how shaky they are about who they
are. As you do this you'll see that you don't have to tear others down
to feel good about yourself.

Step 4: Each One Is The Best One

As
soon as you notice yourself feeling better than another, let it go and
let them be the star. Realize that both of you can be wonderful. As
soon as you notice that you feel someone else is better than you, do
the same. Look for their good qualities and yours as well. Find out
more about them. Talk to them about themselves and really listen. Let
the true person they are emerge. Don't buy into a fantasy. It won't do
you any good.

Copyright (c) 2008 Dr. Brenda Shoshann

What Are The Ghosts of Past Relationships?

There are many reasons that men leave relationships,
or don’t get into them fully in the first place. Some men are haunted
by the ghosts of past loves. They cannot shake them from their minds or
get them out of their hearts. Although they date new women, the specter
of a past love prevents them from giving their hearts, committing to
another, or truly opening up. Each new person is compared, consciously
or unconsciously, to the previous love. This past relationship can take
on an idealized quality so that no one in the present or future will
ever measure up.

For some men, this past love is a young, first
love. In all later relationships they seek the magic they felt then.
For others it is a past wife or fiancé who haunts them. Being deeply
hurt by the breakup or death, they search for someone to replace her,
rather than try to find someone new.

For others the past
relationship that haunts them may go back to their mothers whom they
feel gave them unconditional love. Deep within there is a hunger and
demand for this unconditional love and acceptance again. Now at this
juncture, they secretly feel that no woman can live up to mom.
Unconsciously they compare every woman to her.

Sadly enough, for
some men the ghosts that haunt them are not positive. Some have had
painful experiences and are seeking a woman who is the opposite of the
one they knew, or seeking someone to even the score. In these
situations, painful memories get in the way of being available to the
new person, or to being truly present at all.

There are other men
who find it safer to cling to memories of the past than to risk failure
with someone here now. These men may choose to live off a memory for
years. It is not unusual for these men to unconsciously attract an
unsuitable partner so that the relationship will not threaten the
fantasy woman in his dreams. Deep down he knows he’ll never be able to
stay with this unsuitable partner. She’s no ultimate threat.

Men
also turn to these ghosts of the past when their present relationship
may not be going well. Instead of dealing with the difficulty or
disappointment, they lapse into memory, comparing this partner to the
one they had. Always unfavorably. Or when he feels pressured to commit
before he is ready, the specter of old loves come back to haunt him.
It’s a perfect excuse and also a way out of a tight spot.

On a
more positive note, at times a man cannot let go of a past relationship
because it is simply incomplete. Something needs to be said or done, to
be given or received. There is a gnawing feeling inside that the
relationship is not yet fulfilled. Perhaps forgiveness is needed.
Perhaps a real good bye. It is always best to become aware of what it
is that is causing a ghost to lodge in one’s heart and mind. If
something can be done to complete the relationship, do it now. If one
is simply caught holding onto the past, recognize that and see why it
is so frightening to allow oneself to live again and make a new try.

Whatever
the factor that causes a man to cling to memories of the past, a common
theme appears through all of them, this is a way to safeguard oneself
against hurt and failure in the present. The best way to get past it,
is to understand that dreams can never bring the fulfillment and growth
that a real, flesh and blood love can. It’s worth the risk to try
again. Or else we become a ghost as well.