by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
[News-and-Society:Dating] Article Word Count: 725
Article:
"When you truly look for me, You will find me." --- Kabir
We all want love. Then, when we get it, we become afraid and start to run in the opposite direction. On the one hand we are searching for love, searching for some lasting relationship. On the other hand, we are relieved when the person goes away.
It always "seems" as if relationships are difficult. They seem difficult to find, to keep and to enjoy.Yet, the fundamental truth is: there is no inherent problem with relationships. There is never a scarcity of relationships. There is never a scarcity of love. Love is our natural condition, why aren't we
The most common answer to this question is that we must find the perfect person. There is always something wrong with the people we meet. We have not yet found the "right" person, who can make us really happy. Or, if we have found him/her, that person has now left us and nobody will ever take their place again.
At this point we still believe that another person can make us happy. But, all right, let us look for a moment at what we're dreaming of. Take a moment to see clearly who this perfect person is to you. Sit down and write a description of how you would imagine your perfect partner to be. Let yourself daydream. Write down all the qualities such a person would have.
Now, write a paragraph describing how you would have to be in order to have such a partner. (Daydreams have power). Just doing this exercise you may begin to laugh. There may be wild discrepancies between how you see yourself now and how you feel your would've to be to hold such a perfect partner.
What else might you discover? You might also discover that you do not really like this perfect person after all. He/she may only be some kind of ego-ideal. (Someone to build up your own self-image).
An attitude like this is based upon non-acceptance of who and what we really are.When we use another person to build up our own self-image, this kind of relationship is grounded in fear.
Love can never be built upon a foundation that is not real. If we do not feel good within ourselves, is it really so surprising we may not really be so eager, after all, for this perfect
There are many ways people keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships only with difficult people. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be open to love and relationship until we are able to release our fear of and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors.
As this happens it is inevitable to realize that love is free, it flows everywhere. It flows to everyone regardless of their qualities. Love has nothing to do with any images or fantasies of how somebody else "should be", or how we "should be" either.
Each person is the perfect person just as they are. When you begin finding the beauty in everyone, then the right one for you just walks through the door. .
Start today. Look around for a moment. See who is really in your life. Look at this person. Are you willing to love them? Really? What will happen if they start to love you too? Anything we can't love or accept in another, is a mirror of something we can't love or accept in our ourselves. All it takes is one moment to decide to turn that around. Try for a moment. See how wonderful it feels.
Here is a lovely exercise. Close your eyes, look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Open your eyes a moment. Close them again, and look at yourself now through your own eyes. Open your eyes. Can you choose to look at yourself and others, through the eyes of someone who loves them? If you can, you will be amazed at all the love that starts flowing to you.
[News-and-Society:Dating] Article Word Count: 725
Article:
"When you truly look for me, You will find me." --- Kabir
We all want love. Then, when we get it, we become afraid and start to run in the opposite direction. On the one hand we are searching for love, searching for some lasting relationship. On the other hand, we are relieved when the person goes away.It always "seems" as if relationships are difficult. They seem difficult to find, to keep and to enjoy.Yet, the fundamental truth is: there is no inherent problem with relationships. There is never a scarcity of relationships. There is never a scarcity of love. Love is our natural condition, why aren't we
The most common answer to this question is that we must find the perfect person. There is always something wrong with the people we meet. We have not yet found the "right" person, who can make us really happy. Or, if we have found him/her, that person has now left us and nobody will ever take their place again.
At this point we still believe that another person can make us happy. But, all right, let us look for a moment at what we're dreaming of. Take a moment to see clearly who this perfect person is to you. Sit down and write a description of how you would imagine your perfect partner to be. Let yourself daydream. Write down all the qualities such a person would have.
Now, write a paragraph describing how you would have to be in order to have such a partner. (Daydreams have power). Just doing this exercise you may begin to laugh. There may be wild discrepancies between how you see yourself now and how you feel your would've to be to hold such a perfect partner.
What else might you discover? You might also discover that you do not really like this perfect person after all. He/she may only be some kind of ego-ideal. (Someone to build up your own self-image).
An attitude like this is based upon non-acceptance of who and what we really are.When we use another person to build up our own self-image, this kind of relationship is grounded in fear.
Love can never be built upon a foundation that is not real. If we do not feel good within ourselves, is it really so surprising we may not really be so eager, after all, for this perfect
There are many ways people keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships only with difficult people. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be open to love and relationship until we are able to release our fear of and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors.
As this happens it is inevitable to realize that love is free, it flows everywhere. It flows to everyone regardless of their qualities. Love has nothing to do with any images or fantasies of how somebody else "should be", or how we "should be" either.
Each person is the perfect person just as they are. When you begin finding the beauty in everyone, then the right one for you just walks through the door. .
Start today. Look around for a moment. See who is really in your life. Look at this person. Are you willing to love them? Really? What will happen if they start to love you too? Anything we can't love or accept in another, is a mirror of something we can't love or accept in our ourselves. All it takes is one moment to decide to turn that around. Try for a moment. See how wonderful it feels.
Here is a lovely exercise. Close your eyes, look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Open your eyes a moment. Close them again, and look at yourself now through your own eyes. Open your eyes. Can you choose to look at yourself and others, through the eyes of someone who loves them? If you can, you will be amazed at all the love that starts flowing to you.
SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP (www.truthaboutlove.com) is a ground-breaking relationship counseling program. It unlocks to the proven methods to overcoming the most difficult relationship problems.
Written by Dr. Shoshanna, a state licensed Psychologist & Psychoanalyst. She is an award winning international author, a resident relationship expert on i.village.com -and a professor at Barnes and Noble University Online. She appears regulary on network TV, sharing relationship advice, guidance and healing with audiences worldwide.
1 comment:
If you believe that you can solve the problem on your own,
or are suffering from a mental block that a therapist cannot help
you with, there is no point in seeking therapy. Ask them
questions that are bothering you about the massage.
For example, a student may decide to enrol in a science
major such as anatomy, physiology, or biology.
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