- Summary
- [Self-Improvement]
In order to feel good about themselves, most compare themselves to
others, compete and try to win in all areas of their life. They do not
realize, however, that this is not true winning and whatever they gain
in this manner usually backfires. Article describes ways of building
true of self worth and includes wonderful exercises to show you how to
create true it in your life.
In order to feel good about themselves, most compare themselves to
others, compete and try to win in all areas of their life. They do not
realize, however, that this often can be an expression of aggression
towards others, and ultimately also towards themselves.
When we
want to be better than others, we are also driven to make sure they
remain beneath us. We do what we can to keep them in their place,and
look for their failings and weaknesses. We may also take pleasure in
their hardships and losses. When famous people fall from their pedestal
and suffer, many feel relief that they are not so much better after all.
How We Compare Ourselves To Others
Some
are not able to relate at all to others who they feel are "better than
them.They fill their worlds with those who they feel are inferior, (and
treat them that way, to keep them in their place.) Some are drawn to
those who they think are better than them, and spend a lot of time
trying to tear the person down. Others become members of sports team
and take great relish in beating the others, proving that they are
"best".
Living this way, one becomes unable to see the beauty and
gifts which each person has and which they could otherwise share with
you. This keeps you on edge, looking for ways you can maintain your
superiority. Relationships become power struggles. There is little
fulfillment, or true sense of self worth.
Pride Vs. Self Worth
Pride
creates a grandiose, false sense of self and causes the person to close
themselves off to many situations, possibilities, insights and
relationships. Pride also causes them to be out of touch with true self
worth, who they truly are, what really brings happiness.
A true
sense of self worth, on the other hand, provides enjoyment when dealing
with all kinds of individuals. With true self worth you do not need to
compare yourself to others, tear them apart or feel superior. Instead,
you are able to value who they are and share you both of your gifts. As
Emerson wisely said, a rose in the garden does not compare itself with
another. It just blooms as it is intended to.
Exercise
Step
1: Recognizing The Many Faces Of Pride Make a list of those you feel
better than. Who are they? Why are you better than them? A)Make a list
of those you feel are better than you. Who are they? How does this make
you feel? How do you behave with them? This exercise will surprise you.
Be honest with yourself. You may also be astonished to see how many
people you've written out of your life.
Step 2: Stop Comparing
A)
Pick someone on your list that you feel better than. Write down all
their positive qualities. Now, stop comparing yourself to this person.
Let them be who they are. Let you be who you are, as well. Enjoy the
differences between you. B) Do the same with someone you think is
better than you. Can you allow both of you to have positive qualities
though they may be different? Can you stop comparing in this case as
well?
Step 3: A New Meeting
A)
Contact the person you feel better than and go out with them to lunch.
Make the meeting all about them. Don't talk much. Really find out about
them. Give them a chance to be the star. Do the same with someone who
feels they are better than you. You'll be amazed to discover how much
others crave being heard and known, how shaky they are about who they
are. As you do this you'll see that you don't have to tear others down
to feel good about yourself.
Step 4: Each One Is The Best One
As
soon as you notice yourself feeling better than another, let it go and
let them be the star. Realize that both of you can be wonderful. As
soon as you notice that you feel someone else is better than you, do
the same. Look for their good qualities and yours as well. Find out
more about them. Talk to them about themselves and really listen. Let
the true person they are emerge. Don't buy into a fantasy. It won't do
you any good.
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